Friday, September 08, 2006

Childhood Rearranged

I spent most of the weekend in the company of a precious little red head. She is only four years old, but you would swear she is much older. Her frame is petite, but once she is outside, she is a fireball on speed dial.

We were out the door on our way to shop for groceries...or so I thought. She turned her head up glancing at my face with a pitiful pleading look.

"You know nana, we have not gone to Sunshine Park today. I really, really want to go. Can we, can we? I squinted up into the sky wondering if it was going to rain any time soon. The sky is blue and clear. We were both dressed for the occasion, and I soon realized I could not simply drive right past the playground now.

K. loves to run. I swear that child never walks. She also runs on her tip toes most of the time, so she has killer calves. She is going to be a tall strong young lady some day. The most striking feature she possesses though, is her red hair. I have cut her bangs several times, but the mane of her hair flows down her back almost to her waist in gentle curls, and it attracts other children like flies to molasses.


We parked the car. I tried to prepare her for the amount of time we had to allot to her favorite pastime. She knows what "twenty minutes" means. We have worked on measuring time since she was about two years old. She walked into the middle of the grounds looking as if she was getting her bearings. Because she is so striking, it is not at all unusual for children to come right up to her and start playing. They usually end up chasing her, as she is not standing still in one place for long.

This is disconcerting to K. at times. She wants to run alone......we have discussions on this topic. I am sure she will figure it out.

K's new fascination is with the swings. She wants me to push her up higher and higher. We walked over to where a young father was holding his son in his lap gently swinging back and forth. I helped K into her seat and began to get into our usual rhythm. I soon noticed K's feet were dragging on the ground preventing me from getting her to her usual breaking point. I am sure I looked puzzled,when the young dad next to me said; "Amazing huh?" He pointed down to the wooden box which had an overlay of fake turf on the top.

"What the heck is that all about?" I asked him.

"It is supposed to keep the children from getting injured if they fall." he replied.

"If they fall and hit the edge of the box?" I asked.

He smiled and shook his head.

"Have you heard what they have done in Oregon?"

"No, what? I am from Oregon."

I was not prepared for his answer. It seems someone who is in charge of Parks and Recreation harr~harr) ....... someone who is paranoid beyond belief, has decided that children no longer should be on swings, slides, or playground equipment in parks. It is soon to be banned in Oregon.

How in the world did any of us ever live to be adults? I did not know what a helmet was. I doubt I would have worn knee pads or wrist guards. But I can remember skating for hours at a time around and around our city block, sometimes until dark forced me inside. And often with many bandaids covering my knees.

Are we going to have children with no idea of what childhood is all about? Children who are protected inside the confines of their home watching television or continuing to play on the computer?

Or is organized sports the only way they will get out and be able to just run.....you know...like a child, but one with a set agenda made up by an adult.

I have always been of the belief that when they took out real side walks in the new housing developments, it was the beginning of the end. You need a side walk to ride your bike, skate, jump rope, hop scotch, and run....all safely.

When our twenty minutes were up, I took K. by the hand and we strolled back to the car. I pondered how many more lovely memories would I be able to create with her like the one we just had.

Give me just a minute with the idiot who is probably sitting all cushy in their 15th floor office space breathing piped in air. What do they know of childhood memories and outdoor excursions? Minimal would be my guess.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

A Record of My Travels.

I borrowed this from Sharon, who borrowed it from Sassy, who borrow it from....heck, I don't know. But I think it is cool, so I am adding it to my blog.



create your own

SEE?? I am 50% "there".

Actually, I cannot say that I was truly in a "state" of consciousness in each of these wonderful areas of the United States. Most of the time I was dreaming under a blanket. My parents wanted our family to "See America First". All we were lacking was the Chevy and my eyelids open.

My father was very much into the labor union at his company. He often held a position which required him to be wheresoever the next convention was taking place. The fact of his statis allowed us to tag along. Sometimes it was the whole family. Most times my brother was the fortunate missing person. We had fun, (don't get me wrong), but often the fun was had by one person....my dad. For one thing, he had a personal agenda, one we adhered to like clockwork.

The problem with my father and traveling by car seemed to fall under the universal male testosterone umbrella known as....... the control factor. He got us up before dawn (usually to beat the heat) and then drove like a bat out of Hades to get from point A to point B in 'X' amount of time. He kept very good written records. He was into his groove. He would stop for nothing. I mean NOTHING. My sister could often be seen "mooning" next to our car in all the above states to relieve her bladder. My father didn't want to make an official stop to adjust time for even that basic a need. She refused to comply after she reached.......... oh, I'd say about the age of eight.

I can remember my mother seeing something of interest (probably educational at that) and hearing her call out...

"Dale, Daaaaale......there was a marker.....you just passed.....honey, HONEY!!"

All going to literally deaf ears. He was on a mission if you will. Wind whistling mission. We saw America first......as fast as possible.

So, the upshot is, I can say with all honesty, my body was in each of these states, but my mind was in la~la land.

Motion makes me sleepy.

And most of the time, when we DID stop for something, it was to experience a foreseeable, crazy ~"If you don't do it now, you will never be here again" ~ kinda thing, like crossing over Hell's canyon in a tin can being drawn by a mule. Stuff like that would scare the crap out of me. My father delighted in knowing it would.

When these enchanted possibilities would occassionally occur, I would just stay in the car faking slumber.

If I have to go before my appointed REAL time, I don't want to be careening 100 miles an hour through the air with the prospect of my demise looming ever closer at the bottom of a God forsaken canyon, few people have ever even heard of.

Monday, August 21, 2006

School Daze

I have not been dead for two weeks.

Nor am I a sloth.

I have not been endlessly soaking in a hot tub, or basking in a slather of sunscreen.

No, I have been biting my nails to the ::nubbin:: trying to get myself into my brand new career choice. I don't remember getting ready for school taking on the morphic dimensions this snail paced endeavor has become. I definitely do not remember it taking a whopp'n three months to accomplish. Where is my mommy? She used to handle these matters so much more efficiently. I can't even go to her for advice.....Lord knows my face turns heavenward painfully searching for a miracle.

I can say I had a better summer experience than in past years.

I can say there were some moments when I was able to release my mind from the eventual "Next BIG thing".

I must admit however, the knowledge that I would soon become a ranting, raving, ill tempered bitch person was ever looming around the bend. I vowed this would be the year I would not be required to place a long distance call to any supervisor in Tallahassee because my counselor did not see the need for books to go along with each required course. (?)

I even claimed a chipper new mantra, "I will be grateful, I will be grateful."

I have jumped through many a hoop in the past with Vocational Rehabilitation. I told myself this year I would simply go with the flow and remind myself OFTEN how lucky I am that things are financially being taken care of on my behalf. I mean, things could be SO much worse.

I could be obtaining my education behind bars ~ eating in a "homey"cafeteria with other gang members seeking, no doubt, to better themselves.

Because of the divorce, I now know all one needs to ~ regarding how to obtain food stamps and medical assistance. I have a much larger picture of what the "have nots" go through on a daily basis. Are they as grateful as I am? I doubt it. Looking at their faces, they have never known it to be any other way. But, I still think they are brave. They are a sector of people who have not given up by taking an overdose, or simply walking away from their responsibilities. Some are even going to college, like myself to become, what the "haves" would consider to be "better citizens" of this fine state.

So, if that is my intent, why am I the only one who KNOWS it? I have come to the conclusion my counselors are playing a game at my expense. They are probably even setting bets as to my eventual demise. They figure if it can be made as difficult as possible, I may throw up my hands in despair.....or just throw up.

Let me tell you, there are days....

I hang in there because I have this amazing survival thing going for me. If I do not complete my mission I will cease to be.

I saw an add in a newspaper today which listed the perfect job qualifications. "Wanted...teacher for infants ~ toddlers. Excellent benefits: paid vacation, 401K, dental, medical and vision."

I turned to my best friend and asked, "Why the hell am I going to school? What is the matter with me? I will not be getting much more in pay than this job is offering, and I am already trained for this position. This is what I LOVE to do. What am I DOOOOOing?"

She looked at me as if I had reached an even higher level of dementia.

"You have two screws and a wire holding what is left of your right arm together. You are without any medical insurance, and you are about to be dumped. You no longer can lift 20~60 pounds repetitively day in and day out."

Friends can be so ruthless when given an opportunity for freedom of speech.

God love them.

Okay, I can accept all of those truths regarding myself, but I still do not understand why going to school has to be full of dread. I know once all is set in place and classes have actually started I will be fine. Until then, I still have about three more hoops being lifted over my head.

I could not help it that I did not have to use the restroom for the drug test today. It put me so far off schedule, I did not make it to my next appointed errand.....placing my book list in the palm of my counselor. She will most likely refer to it as my "wish list"....as she did in having to pay for the required physical etc.

I can tell you right now, filling a cup is SO way off my "wish list" it is beyond beyond.

Well, at least I will not have to shop for clothes. The delightful blue scrubs will be my fashion statement for the next 10 months. There must be a way to accessorize.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Ode to Sole

I have been walking for at least two weeks ~ pretty steady, (pat on the back). I am here to say, if you ever want to get rid of cracked or unsightly skin on the bottom of your feet, just walk three miles every day and you will be guaranteed new feet.

The entire surface of the bottom of my feet has pealed away. While that may sound horrible, it has given me wonderful new skin on my underside. Makes me wonder just what can I do, ~comparably speaking~, to erase the lines and creases on my face......rub sand paper over it for an hour a day?

I had forgotten the words my father said (who ran three miles a day ~ EVERY day) "Always, always turn your running socks inside out." Oh opps! I was just so darn eager to create, reshape, heck...GET a body I forgot the little rules.

One must wear a ton of bug spray....especially here in Florida. If you do not, you WILL be zoned in on like you are prime rib. Even when I remember to spray, there have been times I actually FEEL the spike going into my skin....by then it is just too late. If they get it into the skin, I will be itching at least two weeks. How that can be? I have no idea. Allergy to stinger?

Having proper running/walking shoes is a must. And those two words should not be interchangeable. A "running" shoe does not a "walking" shoe make. Taking someones word regarding the "best" is not enough either. You need to try on several different styles and brands to find the one that is right for you. (Now that is BEFORE you have made up your mind as to whether you want to walk or trot about town.) Seriously, I see a correlation between the adage, "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." My feet HAVE to be happy. Not slap happy......just hummmming along happy.

Never, NEVER begin an actual run without first warming up and stretching. Oh boy...is that one a biggie. I am sold on the idea (just like the rule of "time out") you need to hold that foot up to your buttocks for at least a min. per your year of age.

When in Florida, (or any other state except WA. Oregon, or Alaska) never assume the stick on the ground is just a stick. Think snake....always snake. And large to medium lump can range from dog poop to bull frog. Also, try not to step on lizards.....they are squishy, but they do not go back to their original "form"....believe me. Being the proud owner of a CPR card is worthless at that point.

Keep in mind, all the above advise is coming from a "city girl". There is a WHOLE other list of "do's" when one has graduated to the woods. I'm not going there in this post....no, no, no.

But no matter if you are a city walker, or a week~end hiker, I am certain your feet and the shape they are in is an essential. You have to become a worshiper of your own footsies. You need to heed the words of your mother when she said; "Shoes girl...shoes....don't leave home without them."

I had to get this message throw squarely back into view on a personal basis before it was a truism (obvious fact). Let it be known, it is NOT a good idea to walk bare~footed three miles on a beach. You are making the possibilities for pain to increase by unknown percentages per mile.

I was walking along the waters edge....looking out to sea as I so often do, when I felt a sharp pain. I thought it only a bit of shell that had perhaps stuck to my foot. I brushed the bottom of my foot lightly against my other leg....walking on a few more steps...and then beginning to limp. I finally stopped in my tracks and hoisted my foot up to my face to see what the problem could be. Blood is a great indicator. ::Heed it:: Of course, butchering my foot could only happen at the point of which I was thinking of turning back towards the car.....yes friends...the furthest point from the car. Yes indeedy.

So, here comes the "Ode":

I pledge allegiance to my feet, yes the feet that belong to me.
And to these feet, upon which I stand,
Yes me, and only me.
I will pamper you.
Properly "shoe" you.
Clean you, and cream you.
So help me God.

Amen, and amen.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

One Shoe

As a nanny, I have taken care of many children...most of whom have their own particular peculiar personal habits. It has gone from the extreme of only eating four foods (five if you count buggers) age nine by the way.....to a child I recently took care of (forgiveable age of one)who only wanted to wear one sock.

The first few times, it was rather cute, but that was short lived.

I soon found myself pulling this child into my lap a multitude of times per day, to make sure they were once again a "two socked little person"....only to find five minutes later, they had taken that same sock off once more. It became a family joke;

"Oh here comes Miss One Sock."

There were times I honestly could not find the said missing sock. It was not the usual ::missing in the dryer:: again syndrome....no, it was Miss Sock at work. I eventually gave up. She was still breathing normally, not frothing at the mouth, or bleeding excessively out of any orifice.

She would survive....just look a wee bit.........well, peculiar.

So be it. I could distance myself from any personal blame, or reflection on my professional nanny expertise. I had, after all, given it my best.

I was reminded of Miss One Sock today while walking on a beach which is usually pristine clean on the eco~scale. After walking for about a half a mile, I began seeing the mysterious one shoe phenomenon. It has always baffeled me how people seemingly of all sizes and ages can loose a shoe in the middle of a major highway.....and it is always one shoe. I have tried to picture how this could possibly happen?

(It has honestly worried me when it is small enough to be a child's.)

But why is it always only ONE? Did someone freak out in the car and grab a fellow passengers foot and yank the shoe off ~ to toss it out the window saying, "See, see what I can do to you?"

Was the person hanging one foot out and an updraft wisked it away?

Was it the results of a double dog dare? I can imagine the jargonized chant;

"I dare you to toss just ONE of your new mega expensive Nike Levitators out the back window. Do it! DO IT!!! Heck, your mom won't even notice.....un huh

I picked up the first sandal...walked a few more feet only to find yet another. At first I said to myself, "Ah, the match for once." But it was not to be. The only commonality was the fact they were both left (and left behind).

All total, I picked up four "halves" of shoes today to deposit in the garbage. Wouldn't you think if someone waltzed onto a beach wearing a pair of shoes, when it came time to walk back to the car they would somehow know something was amiss? Wouldn't they at least feel themselves limping?

And may it be noted, these were almost new flip~flops...each one.

Maybe there is a whole pack of people in the world who started out as "Miss One Sock"and upgraded as they aged to Mr./Ms. One Shoe. Maybe it is a religious thing.....maybe they were secretly obducted to a live with aliens on a One Shoe planet.

So many unanswered questions.

I guess I could try an experiment and toss one of my own shoes out the window.....see what happens. Not thinking my "Ruby Reds" should be an option. I might need them to click back home.

If you are reading this post and you left Mackenzie Inlet today minus a companion to your flip~flop collection, it is possible your other shoe is in the garbage can at the end of the boardwalk. You might want to limp over there an dig it out.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Walking with Wynonna Judd

Man I wish I had an Ipod. I cannot walk for three miles without listening to something. Tonight's "pick" was the Wynonna live CD ~ History: Scenes From a Lifetime. I have to carry my C.D. player for the duration. Because of my shoulder injury, even something as light as that can make my arm ache. But it is Wynonna...and she at least makes me want to dance through my walk. The pain is still screaming at me. I figure if I keep walking, eventually there will be many more things on my body screaming at me, and I may just put the shoulder on the back burner. I don't remember sweating so much when I was walking three miles in Oregon.....am I getting older??? Does sweating more signal that fact? I am loosing weight. Hope to goodness it is not all water. That would be swell, just swell.....killing myself to be dehydrated. When I finished up tonight (in the dark...not a good idea) I went directly to the frige, only to find there is nothing to drink. I'm gonna die.......

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Doping up the Cat

Not sure I have blogged the fact the cat was caught under the hood of the car about 3 months ago when the car motor was started. She was cut deeply around the neck in at least three places and survived. The vet admitted he had never seen a case so ugly. I could go into details.....but it would not be pleasant.

Recently, the nerves in that area have rejuvenated. She is feeling something as she is scratching herself mercilessly. I cannot imagine anything itching so badly you would self mutilate. But that is exactly what she is doing. Perhaps it is akin to loosing a limb. You still have the feeling your amputated hand is attached, but it is not.

She has made two patches of open wounds again, where all had been healed. I took her back to the vet. He has put her on some medications, which I am thinking are not only making her want to sleep (which is okay) but are making her want MORE!

Great, a loopy, drugged cat on the loose. (Actually NOT on the loose, as she is NEVER going to see the light of day outside of this house again.)

EVER.

When she is fully "under the influence" she has trouble making her hinnie go the direction she is hoping for. She tries to jump up on the couch and misses it by quite a distance. Very cheap entertainment. Not wanting anyone to think she has failed, she goes into a slow motion somersault...... bits of saliva dribbling down the corner of her little chin. I would not call it a clean dismount.

I found her yesterday batting at something on the floor. It totally had her attention. I have never gone over to check on her "plaything" and NOT found a bug or a lizard. This time, however, she was waving her power padding paws at NOTHING.....not even a hair berry.

She was happy....ever SO happy!

If this medication trial fails....(still have a few more days to go) she will be back under the knife. The vet believes he can remove the patches and make a difference for the better. I frankly don't understand his reasoning. If taking most of her shoulder muscle in the initial operation created this problem, how is taking out more flesh going to be of benefit? I am not so sure she has much left to give.

When I think of how much pain she has already suffered, I literally get a stomachache. She is a very brave cat. I know there are times she dreams about the accident because as she is sleeping her back legs are doing a treadmill action at a mighty swift pace.

In the meantime, I am putting tea tree oil on her neck area. I think the smell of it, if nothing else has prevented her from attacking herself. She is so pitiful looking.....


Thursday, July 27, 2006

Fourth Of July Celebration

I cannot explain how much I miss having the family feeling of the Fourth of July. It use to be a huge deal with my family of origin.

My father was not so keen on the whole firework purchasing, as he believed it to be a waste of money......that was, until my son was born. My dad began to see how important traditions can be through the eyes of a small child who could hardly contain himself with exuberance. My son even had a little dance he would do while viewing the blast off (or excessive noise factor.)

Little man was so into the whole fireworks display each year. It started at VERY early age. He had me terrified as to his future career plans. As it turned out ~ thank goodness~ he was merely fascinated with the entire process of pyrotechnics. He got pretty elaborate in his design formations as the years went by.

What I miss most, truthfully, is watching my mother and father watching my son. Youth can bring out the joy and delight even in what might appear to be small and maybe even a pain in the butt to others. Wish I was on the same coast with my son tomorrow. We would be at the beach for sure with a picnic lunch and past memories of wonderful times with grandparents who instilled in me the importance of joy~filled moments. I just hope his new wife shares his passion......I have no doubt the little one in her tummy will grow up to enjoy it....or laugh like crazy watching daddy do "the dance".

Driving Force

I have had at least three months to worry, fret,and ponder what my next move should be. I have been going to college with a focus still on children. I know I cannot continue being a nanny ~ if not because of the physical pain it causes...rather, because I am about to be an "ex". I have endured the pain for many years, through many families with children I bonded to easily. It is because of the pain that I must face a wider screen. One which does not display much of a future if I want to continue being a risk taker. I am about to become an "ex". An "ex" without any form of health insurance, and that is not a good thing. Some would say becoming an "ex" is not all it is cracked up to be period. I guess it would depend upon whom YOUR particular "ex" happened to be. This is not a station in life which is new to me. Not by a long shot. The first time the title was given to me, I felt the sky open....birds singing louder, the sun somehow sunnier. I felt as if I had options in life. In fact, my slate was completely wiped clean. Void of the "control freak" I had been joined to for 14 years of my life. Years (my father keep telling me) were the BEST of my life, now wasted. Good to know. I was brought back to reality the first time my (then) "ex" came by to pick up our "joint" child. It is difficult to be so basic about someone that means the world to you........that being the child (obviously NOT the "ex"....who caused the sun to cease from shining at all) This little person put an exclamation point at the end of every day I held him, talked to him, read to him.....just plain watched him. I wrongly thought the divorce would make all things better. He has been calling me much more frequently as of late. He is about to have the chance for an "exclamation point" placed at the end of his every day. His wife is 7 months pregnant. They send me a picture last night. He has his arms wrapped around her rather large belly....and a shy smile on his face. He looks happy, focused. They are about to buy their first house...with the help of....guess who? YEP....the EVIL first "ex". I have had to push down all feelings of hatred, jealousy, or whatever it may be called. I was never given a house....I feel I created a "home"....with much effort. But a tangible structure one could look at and say..."Hey I own that"....or "I built that"....no, those words would never come from me. Not in regards to a wooden structure. But health insurance aside, marriage aside, I helped build the picture I saw last night.....that happy face. I am praying his arms will always enfold that woman....and that woman only. She deserves, as most women do....never to be called an "ex". I am going back into the health industry....to make sure I have insurance no matter what else may happen. I will just have to find ways of squeezing little people into my life minus the job title. Seems I have found children in general put that exclamation point on my life at the end of the day.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Starting back on the walking trail

I have decided it is time for me to get back to walking every day. So far, I have walked three days on the beach in succession, and today around the field near home. I was doing 3 miles in around 45 to 60 min. a few years back. It is a bit more difficult to get my momentum up here, given the humidity. I have been sticking to the hour allotment but it seems like my energy level is zapped after 20 min. I have been walking later in the afternoons or into the evening. I always did it in the early morning hours in Portland. I think I may try that tomorrow and see if there is enough of a temperature change to give me a bit of a boost. If I do not get my weight back down, I will have very little to wear to class. Once I have been given scrubs that problem will work itself out. I still want to get my walking regiment down however....I need it for the added energy I know it will eventually give me. I have also been doing my algebra workbook without benefit of time restrains or deadlines. I think it is making a difference. I am getting the concepts, now if my OLD mind can just remember them if I choose to be retested for the TABE. I just know I can do better than I did the last time. I wish I knew why math is such a difficult subject for me. I have always been told I have a logical mind, but math somehow falls out of that realm. I am going to keep plugging away at it. I am trying to look at it as a puzzle....maybe change my over~all outlook on the topic. I cannot be THAT stupid. In class, I saw kids half my age getting it without any effort seemingly on their part. Once I GET it, I ususally HAVE it. It is just getting to that point. And story problems.......help!

Friday, July 21, 2006

Had a delightful time at the beach today, even went beyond the waters edge. Water was not as warm as yesterday. A slight breeze made it comfortable. There were quite a few wind surfers. I have always thought my son would be a natural with that sport. I would imagine you would need a lot of upper body strength. Fascinating to watch....remember going to the Dalles in Oregon to watch it done on the Columbia river. Conditions are similar to a natural wind tunnel there, and people come from all over to test it out. One surfer today was taking air. Trying his best to find the highest waves to launch off of.....he would then torque his whole body to turn back on the wave itself. You would have to have a lot of power in your legs as well as upper arms and chest. That was evident when he actually walked out of the water. He had an amazing body. That is NOT the case for the majority of ppl. who come to the beaches....lol I have my doubts as to how many (especially women) ever look in the mirror at their whole image before they step outside in the sunshine half naked. I witnessed a woman strolling her infant down the beach the other day ~ she with only a thong on. Perhaps it was a testimony to how she was able to get her body back into such great shape after having had a baby....but LAWDY! I would never have that kind of nerve.....ever. (well, not in public) :p Looking for another 90 degree day tomorrow. Me being without much capital will probably make it another beachy kinda day. I can still pretend I am a vacationer.....it IS a beach resort town after all. Mom use to say it is all in the attitude.......

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Just received a phone call from some anonymous person informing me I have an appointment at Shands Hospital tomorrow for an eval. of my fibromyalgia. This person apologized for the lateness ~ said time factor could not be helped. I had no idea who had made this appointment for me until I called the number which had been left on my answering machine. Turns out ~ it was Voc. Rehab. I would never have guessed that. I am so puzzled as to why Voc. Rehab. continues to question and second guess my condition. It has been documented by some of Florida's finest (Mayo Clinic) ....but I suppose they do not know what they are doing. If for some reason I am kicked out of the nursing program, I will just have to assume it was not meant to be. I was beginning to wrap my mind around a confirmation of a seemingly attainable goal. Everyone should have a goal, and mine has been a long awaiting one. I have to admit, there are times I am still extremely tired, times when my elbows (for example) hurt so terribly ~ simply being brushed by a passerby. But, the problem would exist no matter what type of job I might be training for. I will always have to deal with pain....that's a fact. Through the years, I have come to know my body better than anyone else....and I know for sure, if I am up and moving around I am less prone to dwell on the pain and just get the job done. I also want the security of having medical insurance. That is not something to sneeze at. I have tried to obtain it on a personal basis, and was denied because of the fibromyalgia. I was only weeks away from medical insurance while working for Bank of America.....before I switched back to working for Julie. BIG mistake in the long run....but I may not be looking at this prospect of nursing if that whole situation had not taken place. Have to believe in a higher being.....just have to.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

I got it....FINALLY in the mail....the long awaited letter of acceptance into the nursing program!!! This will be a repeat of what I took some years ago, but will be okay, as it can lead me into other areas of interest later on. Florida colleges seem to go on a "point system" regarding health careers. The more health related classes I take the better. I need to see if they will accept my last physical and recent criminal background check. If not, it will be a bit expensive and time consuming to repeat. I also need a passport photo ~ most likely for clinicals. I can understand that. Only real concern lies in taking the drug testing. I will most definitely show up possitive for some drugs I take for the fibromyalgia. Voc. Rehab. knows I have this condition....and I told the college. It was their initial idea for me to go into the nursing program ~ after seeing my past college scores and entrance exams. I just have to have a job where I am up and walking around. I cannot be sitting all day long....."jell factor" comes in. All my muscles and tendons freeze up. Wow....this means I get to cut up a little bitty frog or mouse or pig. Oh joy...jubilation!!! Going from taking care of little people all day to blood and guts........ I also have to be current on all my vaccinations...woof, woof. Gotta get busy!

Monday, July 17, 2006

I was in a chatroom tonight with a young mother who had a sick child on her hands. She told the room she was looking for some advice. I could not believe how personal many of them got with her. They called her "stupid" and an "idiot" for not taking her child straight to the hospital. I IMed her and asked if I could help in any way. I asked all the questions she would be getting from a nurse. It turned out she IS very knowledgeable. She knew all the signs to look for if things should get worse....and she was very concerned. Her husband is overseas and she felt she had no one to just bat things off on. I almost never give out my phone number, but I felt good about doing it this time. I don't know what I would have done if I had not had my mother's advice. Even though I am a professional nanny, and have been doing it for many years, it is not what I have read in books or learned in school that gave me the wisdom to care for children. When it really was an important issue, many times it was something my mother had taught me years before which held me in good stead. Which is pretty amazing given the fact that she was an only child. It was the goodness of her heart that shone through.....no doubt about it.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

It has been raining much of today. If I were in Oregon I would probably have a fire going, be laying next to it on a blanket ~ reading. (probably with a cat on my stomach) It can still be cold in July in Oregon. September is when it starts to heat up. In my past memories of childhood I do not remember it being that way. It was hot most of the summer....hot enough to go swimming at the local park pools....hot enough for water fights with hoses and balloons. There is one family on my little strip~road who allows their children to be out after dark here. They utilize every moment skate boarding and riding their bikes up and down the road. They are also the only neighbors who wave when I pass in my car. I miss the neighborhood feel of knowing those who lived beside me. Not sure why it has been so difficult for me to make new friends here. I am going to make a true effort at school this term to get to know those around me......friends are essential
I just got back from a mini vacation with some friends and family. We had come together (or at least I thought) to celebrate the birthday of a very special little four year old. I have been a part of her life ~ nurturing and loving her since birth. Somehow, after the first day there was an apparent separation between the younger "set" of grown~ups and those who fell over the age of about 50. The older ones in the group went on some of the rides with the rest of the crew the first day, but somewhere during the night, the younger people felt the rest of the rides etc. would just be "too much" for us old folks. We mainly just wanted to BE there to watch the joy and anticipation of our little red headed person. Where do people get the concept they can decide the feelings of others? Is it just this new generation??...Cause if it is, they really sadden me. I have no way to describe to them the difference it makes in the life of a child to see the combining of all age groups in a family....to witness the bonding...the love....the respect. If it had been a vacation with my parents, we would have done everything together in a happy, loving attitude. I genuinely enjoyed being with them. I also knew there probably would not be much more time left to spend in their company......so I valued each and every time we were together. Memories are what is important. I definitely do not have very fond ones of this last vacation. I wonder what "little red" will remember.... And what is even sadder, is the fact that it cannot be redeemed. Time lost, is just that. The young have no concept of it's value. They will eventually, but by then, it will be too late. I just got fed~up and left the whole situation. It was not worth it to me to be a part of such rudeness. I am too old and too dignified to continue allowing what I saw and felt.

Monday, July 03, 2006

First Post

Wow, my very first post! Actually going to keep tabs on myself ~ my comings and goings. Guess I will have to spruce up my life a bit. Maybe actually GET a life. Spent time at the beach today. I have always wanted to live at "a" beach. Strange how you can live only four or five blocks from an entire ocean and get so caught up in life you forget it is there. So many houses have been built to block the view, it is entirely possible to not even SEE it while you are driving every morning parallel to the water. I will not be starting school for another three to four weeks. Still not sure my choice of changing my major is going to take place. Have not formally heard from the college ~ except regarding an orientation I have to attend. I am determined not to freak over the lack of notification....yet. Perhaps this is the vacation I have been waiting 4 years to take. Why is it when you have the time it does not coincide with a hefty bank account? Kinda like going shopping when you have the time and money and no idea of what looks good on you any more. I use to write ALOT. Be patient with me ......I may get better at this as time progresses.